WEAPONIZED INCOMPETENCE: A GROWING TREND AMONGT LAZY MEN

I’ve seen the interviews, the social media posts of women crying in closets or bathrooms, uncomfortably giggling, frustrated or in the most tragic cases, surrendering to the man of their household who would throw a hand grenade into their own foxhole instead of helping fight the battle.

Weaponized incompetence refers to the intentional use of ineptitude or lack of skill as a strategic tool to achieve specific objectives. This concept suggests that individuals or entities may deliberately deploy incompetence to manipulate situations, gain advantages, or obscure their true intentions. While it may sound counterintuitive, the idea behind weaponized incompetence is to exploit the chaos and confusion that incompetence creates.

One example of weaponized incompetence can be observed in the realm of politics. Some politicians may feign ignorance or incompetence to divert attention, create distractions, or downplay their involvement in controversial matters. By appearing inept, they may deflect criticism, confuse their opponents, and maintain a degree of plausible deniability.

In corporate settings, weaponized incompetence can manifest through strategic incompetence displayed by employees or leadership. Deliberate mismanagement, lack of coordination, or purposeful failure to meet objectives can be used to advance hidden agendas or consolidate power. By keeping others off balance, those employing this tactic may navigate through organizational structures more easily.

“… sinister, lazy and manipulative. It makes me question why anyone wants a man in their home who makes their life harder.”

Weaponized incompetence in the context of household responsibilities and child-rearing is a manifestation of a broader societal issue where traditional gender roles and expectations are at play. Men often exploit stereotypes and cultural norms to avoid their share of domestic and parenting duties. I see it most on social media. There are men out there who intentionally make things hard for their domestic partners just to get out of participating in household duties and contributing to raising their own children. In fact, it’s a trend that sinister, lazy and manipulative. It’s a passive-aggressive way of putting that labor back on the person you’ve committed to sharing a life with but don’t respect enough to fully commit to - it is a form of abuse.

In the 2006 movie, The Break-up, there is a famous scene foreshadowing the break-up. The movie is nearly 20 years old and I still remember Brooke, played by Jennifer Aniston asked her live in boyfriend, Gary, played by Vince Vaughn to buy twelve lemons for the dinner party. Vaughn’s character, Gary returns with 3 lemons. I distinctly remember the theatre roaring with laughter as the character kicked back on the sofa adding layers onto her frustration. I also remember not finding the humor in her frustration and disappointment. Another question for another day is, “why does Hollywood find humor in women’s frustration, pain and suffering?”

The hashtag for “weaponized incompetence” currently has 53.5 millions views on TikTok. Conversations on the Gen-Z-beloved app have spurred more in-depth threads on Twitter took fire on the socials. It makes me question why anyone wants a man in their home who makes their life harder.

The hashtag for “weaponized incompetence” currently has 53.5 millions views on TikTok.

In some households, men may employ a form of weaponized incompetence as a strategy to evade tasks traditionally associated with women. This behavior may include feigning ignorance about household chores, claiming ineptitude in childcare, or purposefully performing tasks poorly to discourage further involvement. By doing so, they may reinforce traditional gender roles and perpetuate the unequal distribution of domestic responsibilities.

The pandemic became a breaking point for domestic inequalities in adult relationships, and viral media reactions created viral conversations for this phenomenon. Even before the pandemic hit the U.S., a study from early 2020 showed that even among egalitarian-minded millennial couples, it’s gender rather than the earnings of individuals that shapes the division of household labor. Women who earn more at work, still do more at home. Husbands, boyfriends and new dads tend to fall back into their fathers’ and grandfathers’ ideals fall back into their patriarchal foundations.

Pretending not to know how to manage basics like shopping, cooking and housekeeping is a great way to ensure that a labor imbalance that largely benefits you stays imbalanced. The impact on a partner over time is devastating creating a frustration loop, lack of trust and exhaustion.

This dynamic is a form of domestic (as in the adjective: family, home, private; household, domiciliary) terrorism. It may be uncomfortable to admit but it is a form of abuse and for the children involved, neglect. It not only places an unfair burden on women but also undermines the principles of equality and shared responsibility within a partnership. Weaponized incompetence at home to avoid household responsibilities and child-rearing is a reflection of deeply ingrained sexism, misogyny and patriarchal norms.

Weaponized incompetence demonstrates the unsettling reality that incompetence, when strategically employed, can become a potent weapon. Whether in politics, business, or at home, the intentional use of ineptitude defies accountability and responsibility. Recognizing this trend requires a vigilant and discerning approach to deciphering between genuine shortcomings and orchestrated acts of incompetence.

How TO CALL out weaponized incompetence?

How to call it out: If this is something your partner does, curbing the behavior will require a lot of patience on your part, but it’s necessary to achieve a more balanced and happy relationship. It’s important to set clear boundaries with your partner and express your feelings. Communication will advance a resolution that will support the distribution of domestic and emotional labour. It's important to hold space for each other and how they feel about the household dynamic.

It must be said that i was fully and physically triggered when pulling the tweets for this post. There is a reason that the choice to be single is becoming more mainstream. I cannot comprehend living with a fully grown man masquerading as child. I am actually repulsed by the laziness. Best of luck, ladies.