GOOD ON PAPER
good on paper adjective
Definition: Refers to a person who appears to be an ideal partner based on superficial qualities such as intelligence, attractiveness, employment status, and social connections, yet lacks a genuine emotional connection or compatibility with another individual.
Usage: Often used in dating contexts, this term describes someone who seems appealing when assessed through their resume-like attributes but may not fulfill deeper relational needs or personal preferences. For example, a man might be considered "good on paper" if he possesses a good job and a charming personality but fails to resonate emotionally with his date.
Related Expression: The phrase "looks good on paper" indicates that something appears promising or beneficial in theory or documentation but may not hold true in practice. This expression is commonly applied to plans, proposals, or individuals that seem impressive when evaluated superficially but may reveal shortcomings upon closer examination
I sit here, sipping my morning coffee and reflecting on my dating life, I can't help but chuckle at the irony of my situation. Here I am, an independent, exuberant, and thoughtful woman, surrounded by a handful of wonderful men, each bringing something unique to the table. Yet, I find myself grappling with a decision that seems to go against everything my friends and family are telling me. You see, there's this one guy – let's call him No-man, like Norman but not – who, by all accounts, is perfect. He's intelligent, with a quick wit that never fails to make me smile. He's successful in his career, kind to everyone he meets, and even remembers my coffee order. On paper, he's the dream guy that rom-coms are made of. My friends adore him, my family thinks he's "the one," my doorman likes him too. But here's the thing: despite all of Noman's wonderful qualities, despite the fact that he ticks every box on the proverbial "perfect partner" checklist, I just don't feel that spark.
According to a HuffPost article, 30% of divorced women knew they were marrying the wrong person on their wedding day.
According to a HuffPost article, 30% of divorced women knew they were marrying the wrong person on their wedding day, at 44 I am not in a hurry to get married, I am also in no hurry to date a guy who is not right for me or to be fair that I am not right for. That indescribable connection that makes your heart skip a beat when you see them? It's simply not there.At first, I tried to ignore it. I told myself I was being too picky, that I should give it more time. After all, everyone else seemed to think we were perfect together. I found myself trying to mold my feelings, attempting to find that elusive "thing" that would make me fall for him. I analyzed every interaction, hoping to uncover some hidden depth of emotion that I had somehow missed. But the truth is, you can't force feelings. You can't will yourself to fall in love, no matter how perfect someone might seem on paper. And more importantly, you shouldn't have to.It's taken me a while to come to terms with this, but I've realized that it's okay to trust my instincts. It's okay to acknowledge that while Noman is an amazing person, he's just not the right person for me. And that doesn't make me ungrateful, picky, or difficult – it makes me honest. The pressure to settle, especially when you're faced with someone who seems to tick all the boxes, can be immense.
Society often tells us that as we get older, we should lower our expectations, that we should be grateful for any decent person who shows interest in us. But I firmly believe that this mindset does a disservice not only to ourselves but also to the people we date. By staying in a relationship where the feelings aren't mutual, where one person is constantly trying to manufacture emotions that aren't naturally there, we're denying ourselves and our partners the chance at true, genuine happiness. We're settling for "good enough" when we could be holding out for "extraordinary."
It's not about waiting for perfection – no one is perfect, after all. It's about waiting for that person who makes you feel alive, who challenges you to grow, who you can't wait to share your day with. It's about finding someone who doesn't just look good on paper, but who sets your soul on fire. So, I've made the decision to end things with Noman. But I know in my heart it's the right choice. Because at the end of the day, I'm the one who has to live with my decisions. I'm the one who has to wake up every morning next to the person I've chosen to share my life with. To all the wonderful, independent women who are facing similar situations: remember that your feelings are valid. You don't owe anyone a relationship just because they're nice or because others approve of them.
You have the right to wait for that person who makes your heart sing, who doesn't require you to bend, maneuver, or contort yourself into someone you're not.Love should feel natural, effortless, and exciting. It shouldn't feel like a chore or an obligation. So, hold out for that person who not only looks good on paper but who also makes your heart race. Because you deserve nothing less than a love that's as exuberant, thoughtful, and genuine as you are.In the meantime, I'll be here, embracing my independence, pursuing my passions, and keeping my heart open for that right person who will come along when the time is right. Because I know that when true love arrives, it won't require the approval of a jury – it will simply feel right.