MISERY LOVES COMPANY, HOW TO MANAGE THE BITCH AT WORK
Studies show single women often face friction with their married co-workers due to the perception of their free time outside of work. The perception of freedom can inadvertently bleed over into the workplace, creating hostility and workplace micro-aggressions. Single women struggle with finding a balance between work and personal life, when there is a demand or entitlement to their time because of the perceived freedom they have outside of work. This expectation can lead to increased pressure to be constantly available and productive, with higher expectations placed upon them compared to other employees. This dynamic can create a sense of unfairness and imbalance in the workplace, contributing to feelings of frustration and isolation among childless and unwed female employees. Being single does’t mean everyone at work is jealous of your free time - there are plenty of reasons we may experience the wrath of a colleague’s misplaced hostility. I found people who behave like tyrants at work are often miserable somewhere else in their lives.
I can speak from personal experience, in various career environments there is always a hater at the j-o-b! So much so that it sent me to therapy. I asked myself - and my therapist, “If I am the common denominator, what am I doing wrong? What am I doing to attract this hostility?” I did a lot of soul searching. It was important for me to improve my work experience. After all I would need a work to survive. It turns out that there were things that were out of my control that created some of my problems. Lot’s of insecurity, ego and projection came workplace adversary. I learned that there were better ways to avoid the proverbial airstrikes and landmines in environment of workplace warfare. I call it “warfare” because we are literally in a fight for our survival.
I studied my adversary and operated with a new level of coolness and control - which upset this rival more. The most important part of surviving in a hostile workplace is to know thy enemy. I hate to call anyone my enemy. The word seems rife with unkindness. The definition is “a person who is actively opposed or hostile to someone or something.” It’s important to acknowledge the role people play in your life - especially in the workplace.
“Know the enemy and know yourself in a hundred battles you will never be in peril.”
Sun Tzu said, “Know the enemy and know yourself in a hundred battles you will never be in peril. When you are ignorant of the enemy but know yourself, your chances of winning or losing are equal. If ignorant both of your enemy and of yourself, you are certain in every battle to be in peril.” When properly applied, this simple instruction can help you make a sound decision to go to war and of strategic and tactical planning once that decision has been made. Recognizing your op’s underlying issues can help you approach the situation like a mastermind. First things first, disarm this hostile individual.
Active Listening: One of the first steps in addressing workplace hostility is actively listening to your colleague's concerns. Create an open and non-judgmental space for them to express their feelings. This not only helps them feel heard but also fosters a sense of understanding.
Empathize and Validate: Demonstrate empathy by acknowledging your colleague's feelings and validating their experiences. Let them know that their emotions are understood, even if you may not agree with their perspective. This can create a foundation for constructive dialogue.
Maintain Professionalism: It's crucial to maintain professionalism even in the face of hostility. Avoid responding with aggression or defensiveness. Instead, focus on constructive communication and finding common ground to work together effectively.
Set Boundaries: Establish clear and respectful boundaries to protect yourself from negative energy. While being supportive, make it known that certain behaviors are not acceptable. This can help maintain a healthy work environment.
Strategies for Dealing with Defensive Colleagues:
Choose the Right Time and Place: Timing is crucial when addressing defensive colleagues. Choose a private and neutral setting to discuss concerns, allowing for a more open and focused conversation.
Use "I" Statements: Frame your concerns using "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, say, "I feel concerned about our communication" instead of "You always make communication difficult."
Focus on Solutions: Shift the focus from blame to finding solutions. Collaboratively identify areas for improvement and work together to implement changes that benefit both parties.
Strategies for Dealing with Insecure Colleagues:
Offer Positive Feedback: Acknowledge and appreciate your colleague's strengths and contributions. Positive feedback can boost their confidence and help alleviate feelings of insecurity.
Encourage Professional Development: Suggest opportunities for professional development and skill enhancement. This not only supports your colleague's growth but also contributes to a more competent and confident team.
Be a Supportive Team Member: Foster a supportive team culture where everyone feels valued and included. Encourage collaboration and teamwork to help your insecure colleague feel part of a collective effort.
Avoiding Conflict:
Choose Your Battles: Not every situation requires confrontation. Assess the importance of the issue at hand and determine whether it's worth addressing or if it's more productive to let certain matters go.
Seek Mediation: If conflicts persist, consider involving a neutral third party or a mediator to facilitate communication and help find resolutions. This can be particularly helpful when dealing with deep-seated issues.
Self-Care: Prioritize self-care to navigate workplace hostility without compromising your own well-being. This may include taking breaks, seeking support from friends or mentors, and practicing stress-relief techniques.
Dealing with miserable, unhappy, defensive, insecure or outright demonic colleagues requires a combination of tolerance, patience empathy, boundries and effective communication. If your goal is to keep your job, remember to document everything, maintain a professional tone in all forms of communication and , you can contribute to a healthier work environment. Additionally, implementing strategies for dealing with defensive or insecure colleagues and knowing when to avoid unnecessary conflicts can contribute to a more positive and productive workplace. A culture of mutual respect and collaboration benefits not only individuals but the entire team. Good luck, ladies!