THE TRADITION OF HAVING CHILDREN FOR LONGTERM HEALTHCARE
Throughout history, one of the common narratives associated with parenthood has been the idea that having children is akin to securing a support system for your old age. The notion that your offspring will dutifully care for you when you become elderly is deeply ingrained in many cultures and has often been used as a rationale for having children. However, in today's rapidly changing world, this myth is being challenged by shifting societal norms, changing family dynamics, and the realities of caregiving.
When asked the question, “why do you want to have children?” more than 50% of people answered, “ So I’ll have someone to take care of me when I get old!” Having children in leu of preparing for longterm healthcare is irresponsible and selfish. With so many medical and cultural advancements why is having children the societal standard and acceptable substitute for longterm healthcare? Why is the responsibility heaped on female children, more so the expectation is that the single daughter should assume the load of these caregiving responsibilities?
Up to 81% of all caregivers, formal and informal, are female, and they may spend as much as 50% more time giving care than males. Even in heterosexual relationships where both partners work full time, women still spend a staggering 40% more time caregiving than their male partner. Varying estimates across different countries indicate that 57% to 81% of all caregivers of the elderly are women. In most cases female caregivers are wives or adult daughters of the elderly person. They are usually middle-aged, with a considerable proportion of them being over 65 years themselves. They are also more likely to be employed outside home. The elderly recipients of care are either frail or chronically physically ill; the majority, however, have dementia or other forms of mental illnesses. Despite the preponderance of women, increased life expectancy, more women working outside home, and smaller families have all increased the pressures to role care for the elderly parents.
The first important truth to confront is that there is no guarantee that children will want to, or even be able to, care for their parent in their advanced age. Statistics on child-to-parent caregiving paint a more nuanced picture than the idealized image of devoted children caring for their aging parents. According to data from the National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP, in the United States, approximately one in four caregivers are millennials, juggling caregiving responsibilities with their own careers and families. This challenges the assumption that adult children are always available and willing to provide care. Far too many elderly parents assume adult children will become responsible for them no matter the stage of their life. These parents do not consider the impact it will have on their children's lives. Adult children are not built in safety nets for the elderly parent.
Resentment can also be a significant factor when adult children find themselves in the role of caregivers. The idea that children owe their parents care can lead to feelings of obligation, guilt, and resentment. This emotional toll can strain family relationships and result in negative consequences for both the caregiver and the care recipient.
The advancement of medical care has led to prolonged caregiving responsibilities for adults caring for aging parents. While medical advancements have improved the quality of life for seniors, they have also extended the duration of caregiving needs. Many older adults live longer with chronic health conditions, which can place an enormous physical, emotional, and financial burden on their caregivers.
The physical toll of caregiving is undeniable. It often involves assisting with daily activities such as bathing, dressing, and mobility, which can be physically demanding. Caregivers may also have to manage medications, monitor health conditions, and provide emotional support. Over time, the strain of these responsibilities can lead to caregiver burnout, affecting both the caregiver's health and their ability to provide effective care.
The emotional cost of caregiving is equally significant. Witnessing a loved one's decline in health and functioning can be emotionally challenging. Caregivers often grapple with feelings of sadness, frustration, and helplessness. Balancing their caregiving role with their own personal and professional lives can lead to stress and anxiety, further impacting their well-being.
BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO HAVE CHILDREN ASK YOURSELF, “WHY?” IF THE REASON IS YOU WANT SOMEONE TO TAKE CARE OF YOU WHEN YOU’RE OLD, THAT’S THE WRONG REASON.
Financially, caregiving can be a substantial burden. Many caregivers must reduce their work hours or even leave their jobs entirely to provide care, resulting in lost income and reduced retirement savings. The costs associated with medical care, home modifications, and other caregiving expenses can add up quickly, exacerbating financial strain.
In light of these challenges, it's essential to rethink the myth that having children guarantees a support system for old age. Instead, individuals should consider their desire and capacity to provide care for themselves in their later years, independently of their children. Long-term care insurance, retirement planning, and support networks should be explored as alternative options for aging with dignity and independence. As we continue to advance and evolve as a culture there must be considerations for the changing family dynamics and support systems that currently exist in society.
Ultimately, the decision to have children should not be based on the expectation of receiving care in old age. While many adult children do step up to provide care for their parents, it is not an entitlement, and it should not be the sole reason for bringing a child into the world. Parenthood is a deeply personal choice that should be made for reasons that reflect the desires and values of the individuals involved, rather than relying on outdated myths about caregiving.