HE’S GOT MOMMY ISSUES
Let’s talk about Harrison Butker, as he stood in front of a graduating class that included many young women, the 28-year-old Harrison Butker, Kansas City Chief’s kicker claimed that while many women might “go on to lead successful careers in the world,” he believes these same women have been told a “diabolical lie” and that most would be “excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world.” His wife, Butker continued, would agree. Her “life truly started when she started living her vocation as a wife and as a mother,” he told the Catholic private liberal arts school students. Butker went on to opine on the fallacies of “toxic masculinity” and insulted the LGBTQ community and the month of June for being the 30 days of the year dedicated to LGBTQ pride and resistance. His caveman oratorical offerings didn’t stop there, after facing national criticism the kicker doubled down in a statement that read, “
Why do straight, white men care about what everyone else is doing - especially women?”
The question that begs an answer is, “ Why do straight, white men care about what everyone else is doing - especially women?” Perhaps this question can be answered by intense psychotherapy or heavy critical analysis. That would require men to seek the self reflection and therapy! The SP1NSTER.com was never supposed to be a conversation about men. The platform is dedicated to women without centering men, the male gaze or men’s opinions. Because Butker decided to point his laser focus and hatred on a the advancement of woman and choice, who “pals around” with the likes of Josh Hawley, a sitting member of congress who’s a fierce anti-choice abortion legislator his speech is worth investigation.
Men's reluctance to seek therapy for addressing their sexist attitudes toward women is a multifaceted issue rooted in cultural, psychological, and social factors. Understanding these dimensions is crucial for both diagnosing the problem and devising effective interventions. A significant barrier is cultural conditioning. From a young age, many men are socialized to adopt traditional masculine roles that emphasize strength, stoicism, and dominance. These roles are often at odds with seeking help or admitting vulnerability, both of which are integral to the therapeutic process. Therapy can be perceived as a challenge to this identity, causing men to avoid it altogether. The fear of stigmatization plays a critical role in men’s avoidance of therapy as well. Men might fear being labeled as weak or “beta” for acknowledging that they hold problematic views about women. This fear is exacerbated by societal norms that equate masculinity with independence and emotional restraint. Consequently, admitting to and addressing sexist attitudes can feel like a betrayal of their masculine social identity.
Some men may not even recognize their attitudes as sexist or harmful. This lack of awareness is partly due to ingrained societal norms that normalize gender inequality. Without introspection or external challenge, these attitudes persist unexamined. Therapy, which encourages deep self-reflection, can be daunting for those unaccustomed to questioning their long-held beliefs. Psychologically, defensive mechanisms such as denial and rationalization protect individuals from confronting uncomfortable truths. Men might rationalize their sexist behavior as normal or justified, thereby avoiding the cognitive dissonance that comes with admitting they are wrong. Therapy threatens these defenses by encouraging individuals to face and dismantle their justifications. These men are often tethered to antiquated beliefs about gender roles. These beliefs are often perpetuated by traditional institutions, including family, religion, and media. Men adhering to such norms might see no reason to change their views, perceiving them as natural or divinely ordained. This cultural lag—where beliefs and behaviors remain static despite societal progress—contributes to their reluctance to evolve.
Another factor is the fear of displacement. As society moves towards gender equality, some men perceive these changes as a threat to their historical dominance. This fear can manifest as resentment and resistance to evolving beyond seeing women as mere supporters of men’s lives. Therapy, which often promotes egalitarian values, can be seen as aligning with this threatening shift.
There is a cost to intransigence, men who refuse to evolve beyond sexist attitudes risk cultural and social isolation. As feminism is normalized, those clinging to archaic views find themselves increasingly out of step with societal norms. This dissonance is demonstrated by the increasing , choicefully single population in the US and across the globe. These strained relationships and diminished social capital, further entrenching their reluctance to seek therapy.On a personal level, refusing to address sexist attitudes stunts emotional and psychological growth. It limits men’s ability to form healthy, egalitarian relationships and to develop a nuanced understanding of gender dynamics. This stunted growth can perpetuate cycles of toxic masculinity, affecting their mental health and overall well-being.
*An appreciation post to ALL of the men who fully and happily and healthily operate in service and support of the lives and households where they reside.
How can men overcome these barriers? Well, this is actually not our problem to solve alone. This is the responsibility of men. To counter these challenges, societal efforts must focus on normalizing vulnerability and redefining masculinity to include emotional openness. Campaigns and education that highlight the strength in seeking help can gradually shift perceptions. Creating therapeutic environments that are perceived as male-friendly can also help. Therapists trained in understanding male socialization and resistant attitudes can engage men more effectively, breaking down their defenses and fostering self-awareness.
Comprehensive education on gender equality from an early age can mitigate the internalization of sexist attitudes. By addressing the root causes and providing tools for critical thinking, society can reduce the prevalence of such beliefs in children, young boys and men. Addressing men’s reluctance to seek therapy for sexist attitudes requires a multifaceted approach that challenges cultural conditioning, reduces stigma, and promotes emotional growth. Through these efforts, society can help men evolve beyond outdated beliefs and contribute to a more feminist leaning culture and egalitarian world.
The irony here is that Butker’s mother is an very accomplished medical physicist and maybe Butker has some long standing resentment towards his very accomplished mother? Perhaps she was late to pickup or missed a practice because she was out there saving lives? Butker clearly carries a deep seeded disdain for working women. Men like this need help - mental help. This man is clearly dealing with major unresolved “mommy issues.”
“Perhaps she (Butker’s Mohter) was late to pickup or missed a practice because she was out there saving lives?”
The term "mommy issues" colloquially refers to a complex set of emotional and psychological difficulties that arise from a man's relationship with his mother. These issues can manifest in various ways, including problems with intimacy, trust, and authority figures. Understanding "mommy issues" provides insight into why some men might resist therapy and maintain sexist attitudes, as well as how their upbringing shapes their perceptions of women. "Mommy issues" typically involve unresolved conflicts, unmet needs, or over-dependence on the mother during childhood. These issues can lead to maladaptive behaviors and attitudes in adulthood, particularly in how men relate to women.
Five Signs of Men with "Mommy Issues"
Difficulty with Intimacy and Emotional Vulnerability: Men with "mommy issues" often struggle with forming deep, intimate connections. They may avoid emotional vulnerability, fearing that showing weakness will lead to rejection or manipulation, mirroring unresolved dynamics from their childhood relationship with their mother.
Overly Dependent or Detached Behavior: These men might exhibit extreme dependence on their partners, expecting them to fulfill roles similar to those of a caregiver or emotional supporter. Conversely, they might be emotionally detached, avoiding close relationships to protect themselves from potential hurt reminiscent of past experiences.
Issues with Authority Figures, Especially Female: Men with unresolved conflicts with their mothers may have difficulties respecting or cooperating with female authority figures. This can manifest as overt defiance, resentment, or passive-aggressive behavior towards women in positions of power.
Control and Dominance in Relationships: To compensate for feelings of powerlessness experienced during childhood, men with "mommy issues" might seek to exert control and dominance in their romantic relationships. This behavior can include making unilateral decisions, being overly critical, or attempting to control their partner's actions and choices.
Unrealistic Expectations and Idealization or Devaluation of Women: These men may swing between idealizing women and placing them on a pedestal or devaluing and criticizing them harshly. This inconsistency often stems from unresolved conflicts and unmet needs from their relationship with their mother, leading to unrealistic expectations of women in their lives.
“This conversation begs another question, are men capable of accomplishing anything in life without the support of an intelligent, capable, organized and dedicated women? “
This conversation begs another question; are men capable of accomplishing anything in life without the support of an intelligent, capable, organized and dedicated women? While it’s clear that the contributions of women have historically and contemporarily played a crucial role in many men’s successes, it’s not overly simplistic to say that men can achieve nothing without the support, household maintenance and emotional labor provided by women. Both genders bring unique strengths and capabilities to the table, and success is often a result of collaborative effort from Michelle Obama to Jackie Kennedy, Lucille Ball to Tina Turner, Melinda French Gates to Sheila Johnson and Meyrlie Evers to Coretta Scott King women are the launchpad of these men’s success and the culture should ask where they’d be otherwise. These women were in some cases more educated than their acclaimed spouses. Imagine a world where they’d been able to use these same skills to lead or legislate.
After centuries of men obfuscating the intellectual prowess and capabilities of women, it could serve men better to focus more on their own mental health and emotional maturity instead of women’s career paths and bodies. As it stands a staggering percentage of women have no desire to be in a relationship with them. It’s almost as if women are avoiding sex and dating to ensure they aren’t forced or coerced into procreating or giving birth to their children. Meanwhile, women are out-earning men in college degrees and, when it comes to homeownership, men are being out-owned. Let’s hope the men catch up with the 21st century and realize that clinging to outdated, sexist attitudes is not only harmful but also desperately unattractive. It's time to evolve. It’s not a threat but a fact, men will increasingly be alone and women will leave them behind.