HOW DO SINGLE GALS MANAGE WHEN THE INCOME GOES FROM ONE TO NONE?

Summers ago I was fired from my job, while I was on vacation. In fact it was the first day of my vacation. Take from that what you will about my employers.

Two weeks later, I returned from a glorious vacation feeling liberated - had been in an abusive work environment and I was free. There was some uncertainty, I’d had an exit strategy but I was given the axe. I felt a sense of relief. Relief in knowing that I would survive this stupendously stupid moment and that I had stashed enough cash to last me a year in New York. What also gave me some solace was knowing I had no responsibilities or obligations to anyone but me. I was comfortable in the choices I’d made for myself, especially as the bank balance decreased. I thought more about my longterm financial goals. Yes, I’d saved a good chunk of cash but I also recognize how challenging it has been to do so. We have all endured the financial hell scape of 2020 and the residual financial distress associated with the year that was - and listen, don’t get me started on anyone who was just young enough to miss the tech boom, survived 9/11, 2008’s Great Recession, the Trump administration/Covid and now whatever the hell this long-looming recession is. 

Gals, I want to say this. I have had some financial highs and some extreme lows. The highs seem much more short lived than the lows. I know the pain, I know it well. One thing I know for sure is that your people will support you, especially when you are honest about your financial situation. Declaring “I am on a budget” works and if people can’t understand that, they aren’t your friends. Those who do will respect it and those in your same position will come out of hiding too.

I am not here to tell you what to do with your money. I am here to give you some tips on how to manage the financial and emotional stress that comes with losing your income in hopes that you feel empowered by your money no matter how big or bitty your bank account balance is.

The pandemic caused a ton of financial uncertainty, some are still experiencing their own financial recovery. And let me just say, for many people financial strife didn’t start with the pandemic - if you were in financial hell in 2019 or even before, I see you! I know it’s been unsteady and uncertain for many. Again, I see you. 

Q&A

• Financial stress can bring up feelings or even memories of discomfort from childhood traumas. That stress often results in lack of sleep, anxiety, depression or even substance abuse. What can we do to manage overwhelming feelings while we are trying to survive?

  Recognizing that something’s wrong is the first step to dealing with financial trauma. A counsellor, support group or financial therapist may be able to help you better understand your triggers, gain perspective, and remove unwarranted biases, fears, and beliefs about money that have been holding you back.

  Once you have dealt with the emotional, physical, and cognitive effects of the trauma, you can create a tangible action plan to deal with the financial problems themselves.

• When you’re financially maxed out and you can’t stand to look at your bank statements or open your banking app, so what can we do to bring ourselves peace?

  Acknowledge and Acceptance: Begin by acknowledging your current financial situation without being too harsh on yourself. Acceptance is the first step towards finding peace. Understand that everyone faces financial challenges at some point, and it does not define your worth.

  Create a Realistic Plan: Develop a realistic budget that considers your current financial constraints. Prioritize essential expenses and cut down on non-essential ones. This can provide a sense of control and direction, helping to alleviate some stress.

  Mindfulness and Self-Compassion: Practice mindfulness to stay present and avoid overwhelming thoughts about the future. Be kind to yourself during this period. Understand that financial difficulties are temporary, and your worth extends beyond your current financial situation.

• Are timelines helpful or harmful in this situation? Can they create more relief or stress? How do we manage that?

  Timelines can be helpful if they serve as motivational tools rather than sources of stress. Break down your financial goals into smaller, achievable steps. Celebrate small victories along the way to maintain a positive outlook.

• How can we encourage ourselves when the responsibility of budgeting feels like imprisonment instead of accountability? We want to go OUTSIDE! 

  Shift your perspective on budgeting from feeling imprisoned to a tool for empowerment. Recognize that budgeting allows you to take control of your finances, ensuring that your money aligns with your future, values and priorities. Focus on the freedom that comes with financial responsibility - one day, you will be able to take that carefree vacation!

• How can we navigate friendships where money isn’t a factor while we are in our own financial deficit?

  Communicate openly with your friends about your financial situation. True friends will understand and appreciate your honesty. Discuss ways to spend time together that are budget-friendly or free.

• That brings me to friendships. What about the “generous” friend who pays for everything but holds it over your head later? How can we navigate that scenario?

  If you have a friend who tends to hold financial favors over your head, set clear boundaries. Express your gratitude for their generosity, but kindly let them know that you prefer not to feel indebted.

• Often times our families will think we are single, we have it all together - sometimes we do, sometimes we don’t. How can we have the conversation with family who pressures the single person into feeling responsible for our family members or relatives financial problems?

  Have an open conversation with your family about your financial situation. Share your challenges and be clear about your boundaries. Explain that while you care for them, you need to prioritize your own financial stability. Suggest alternative ways to support each other emotionally.

• What about avoiding the trap of spending time with people we aren’t completely interested in for entertainment, cute dinners or even vacations?

  Evaluate your relationships and spend time with people who genuinely contribute to your well-being. Politely decline invitations or outings that don't align with your interests. Surround yourself with positive influences that uplift you during all points in your life but especially during challenging times.

• For the person out there with tears in her eyes, what are 3 things they can do right now to help them make it through the moment? 

  Deep Breathing and Grounding: Practice deep breathing exercises to calm your mind. Ground yourself in the present moment by focusing on your breath, surroundings, and sensations. This can help alleviate immediate stress.

  Connect with Supportive People: Reach out to friends or family members who offer support and understanding. Sharing your feelings with someone you trust can provide emotional relief.

  Engage in Self-Care: Take small, intentional steps to care for yourself. Whether it's a warm bath, a walk in nature, or listening to soothing music, prioritize activities that bring comfort and solace.

  Honesty requires vulnerability so be prepared to share what is uncomfortable. Most friends will meet you at your budget. Be creative and be thrifty. Just remember, Tina Turner had just $.36 when she left Ike, Taraji P. Henson made her dreams come true with $700 in her bank account and Chrissy Metz of “This is Us” fame shared with Glamour Magazine in 2017 that she had $.81 in her bank account when she booked the Emmy winning series. You are a survivor (even when you are exasperated and emotionally spinning) and whatever the situation is, you will get through this!